Mindful Parenting: How Do I Find Time to Meditate?

When I became a parent, it became very clear to me that my formal meditation practice was nearly impossible to maintain, let alone be consistent.

Each day was new and unpredictable and amazing and challenging and, yes – overwhelming.  It was never clear to me in the discombobulated schedule of life, what time was the best time to meditate or was there even enough time and energy in a day to meditate?

Was it even important compared to everything else I had to take care of with work and as a parent (and a single parent) to boot?  

My schedule was no longer my own, but was guided by the dependency needs of this little wondrous human being, my daughter.

My cushion still remained in its place, as a steady reminder that when I was ready I would, and could – find the time to meditate. So, rather than use the cushion as a way to judge and chastise myself for not doing more, I saw it as a loyal friend, who stayed and waited for me to return when the opportunity arose, spontaneously and without effort.

I discovered that the times I did meditate were very beneficial to me in lowering my stress and centering me in the present moment.  Ultimately  it was a touchstone in how I raised my daughter, as well as myself, as a parent.  

In those more spasmodic moments when I did meditate, I would close my eyes, focus on my breath, settle into the relaxed weight of my body and recognize I had many inner resources to assist me in being a good enough parent. Not that ideal perfect parent that society will hold you up to be, but that human being of a parent with all her irritating and beautiful imperfections.

I discovered  that, as I  had developed a meditation practice over a long period of time, it was the very posture that reminded my body that it was time to pause and rest and meditate. Here was the mind’s ability to move from a stress-filled shrunken view of life to a more expansive view of what is here, right now, right under my nose! The remarkable experience of being alive in all its glorious realness. The 10,000 sorrows and the 10,000 joys.

I found that my mind could move in a short period of time from noticing contraction to focusing on expansion; from tension to relaxation.

The presence of the empty cushion or my sleeping cat curled up on its flat surface in front of the statue of Tara served as a place holder. I would sneak in a sit when my daughter was napping and I had enough energy, to pause and direct the focus of attention towards my needs. Sometimes, my cat would sit in my lap while I meditated to encourage me to take a longer period of time to settle in and reset my brain and nervous system. 

Sometimes, in the midst of frustration and overwhelm my reactive brain needed a “time in” on the cushion and the brief pause allowed my perspective on life to reset.  I would notice, and allow the crowd of judgements and recriminations that lined up in the silence and with as much kindness and patience towards myself as possible, I would open up to some loving kindness phrases for myself and my daughter.

My daughter of course did not understand what I was doing but she got to see that the cushion was good for me and so when she was older she would direct me towards the cushion when I seemed upset or even sit there herself. 

The kind act of sitting with yourself is most needed in our busy lives. It can guide you to the depths of your own wisdom in how to respond to life rather than react.  And your children will notice!

If you’d like to learn more about how to balance your own needs with those of the loved ones you care for, or are interested in learning more about meditation and mindfulness, feel free to reach out.

You can also read more about my Mindfulness Skills for Parents group– we’d love to have you!