Meditating in a Group Environment, Distracting or Supportive?
When I first started meditating in a group as a participant, I would invariably find it distracting and irritating rather than supportive. There was so much I could not control. I expected quiet and stillness and there were movements or sounds that did not belong in the silence, or so I thought! Someone was coughing, fidgeting, sneezing, or there was a baby crying. Why would anyone bring a baby to a meditation meeting?! The critic was alive and well loudly declaring judgement on those around me and then invariably turning the criticism on myself. “But wait a moment am I still breathing…..” and then the meditation was over! A meditation where my mind had been hijacked by a slew of distracting negative thoughts about the unpleasant noise coming from outside of myself. What a waste of time! Is this really meditation? I am supposed to be calm and collected!
Even so I persisted, despite the Greek chorus of doom inside my head! As I practiced more regularly, by myself and in Sangha, I soon began to recognize…..that the unpleasant distracting noise had actually been coming from inside me and the judgements were causing me more suffering than anyone else!
I discovered that setting an intention such as ‘ kindness’ before beginning the meditation is helpful to me, as an anchor to come back to when distracted. Also, giving myself space and time to arrive and settle into a comfortable posture for my body and feeling the sensory touch points of my body meeting Earth and air, reminds me that I am supported.
The Buddhist texts describe all human experience as pleasant/unpleasant or neutral and that we all have the tendencies of grasping or resisting to manage these experiences. It is these unconscious tendencies in Life, the pushing and pulling, that cause turbulence and additional suffering. The second arrow of Dukkha, (the Greek chorus) and if left unattended, there will be a third and a fourth arrow and an accumulation of pain in body, heart and mind.
So I discovered that just being mindful of my reactivity to unpleasant and pleasant life circumstances, goes a long way to understanding how to manage my suffering and pain differently. I am encouraged to Let be, rather than grasp or resist. Beginning to allow and accept the flow and impermanence of all things. Let go! To Relax and not let the restrictive negative view of myself and life circumstances dominate my reality.
Unpleasant anything is challenging to manage while meditating and quite frankly in trying to live Life well out in the world.
Knowing this, I give my clients and students different practices to explore. Learning a self compassion practice is a good place to start. There is a whole smorgsbrod of mindfulness practices that you can learn and customize to suit your particular need. Loving kindness; and generosity and gratitude practices are very soothing and nurturing to the body, heart and mind. Walking or standing meditation with eyes open or closed can be grounding to the body during times of restlessness or disorientation.
Mindfulness practices can give you a new perspective and the skills to engage with Life with curiosity and interest rather than be caught in judgement and fear.
Over time, you can learn to be more playful and patient and not take yourself so seriously or demand perfection where there is none. When attending a mindfulness group, it may even open up to a delightful or grounding meditative inquiry with other people just like you. We are all in this together! Rather than sitting still and ruminating on unpleasantness we can attend to the contraction occurring in the body heart and mind. The negative thinking/ the tension in the body and the suffering in the emotions. There is a whole mini universe here to explore, to understand and get to know. In this way there can be a relaxing and a softening of the contraction in any moment. No need to hold on. You are safe and you are loved.
